30 minutes after I posted my thought, my wife share with me a very deep and touching thought about life (lives).
She said that the whole thing is about how we are giving a chance for another life to get started. It is not about how we need to control that life.
It is like how we are donating a ticket of Disney to a kid for him/her to enjoy (the assumption is that we also have enjoyed our time in Disney ourselves). We think that Disney is a good place to have fun, so we invite another soul to go there and enjoy. We might suggest to them which attraction and games to go for, we might even suggest the sequence and tactics to go for those attraction / games, but we should not be bothered if he/she would walked in the park differently.
Yes, it is a grace from God or who/what ever that we could be part of making the “Life” itself going forward and doing little bits and pieces of enhancement here and there for the whole race. It is like the philosophy of the open source software platform: everybody could, if willing to, have the chance to take part in the progress of the mankind. This feeling is great.
It has been great to have the feeling that I could have the second chance to do what I have done, again, in a better way or not, with the heart, soul, brain and body of my kid. It is a mixed feeling about how in the first place I don’t want to step into the old parenthood style which force the child to replicate their own thought; but on the other hand I do have lots of experiences sitting there trying to jump into his coming unplanned agenda of himself.
I know I hate this if my parent did that on me (practically, my parents didn’t do that on me, or I didn’t allow them to), and so I have to avoid that myself. But after 30+X years of experiences, I really learnt a lot! I really have something to share! And I really hope that my kid won’t waste his time on the same thing that I regretted to waste time for, or hope that my kid would have started something that I missed my chances. I know my parents (especially my dad) should have thought that million times for the past 30 years….
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I am so eager to going for being a teacher now. I really would like to learn the way to share my heart, my soul, my brain (but not my body) to other people. And if I know how to do this with a stranger, I am sure I could then do that with my kid. I know my dad is suffering from the inability in doing this. I observed his pain, and I am trying to avoid that. Thanks dad. I have started to know how it is like to be you.
I used to tell a joke about Ferrari. I said that it is not rich enough even if I drive a Ferrari myself. I could really call myself rich if I could give a Ferrari to my kid as his/her birthday present. I now have that feeling. I am still no body even if I could be a successful / good heart / rich / giving / whatever person, until if my kid could become one. I really would like to be a good dad. A real dad. And I need help on that. But I know the strength and effort should be coming from within. For that I could only pray. Thanks God. Thanks Justin.