爆笑 Jac Jac 短片 (YouTube)

剛剛過了一個異常精彩的星期。本想將細節一一在 blog 記下,但拿起 PDA 想下筆時卻不知從哪裡開始!那開心興奮的心情實在不是我這般的文字功力的水平可以描繪得來!若硬要說一句,那我可以說這春節是我三十年來自覺最開心的一個新年!

說不知從哪裡開始,但總要有個開始!不如就播一段 YouTube 上的影片吧!這片題為《Baby Jac Jac can’t stop laughing in his trolley!》,是年初二晚上在長洲外毋的家與 Jac Jac 的眾舅公舅婆團拜時攝的。內容很簡單,一句到尾:爆笑!

去片吧!

同場加映:Jac Jac 大踏步~Jac Jac 穿上唐裝健步如飛滿場飛,像以為自己真的懂行路了!

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再別煙橋

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這並不是甚麼特別集會或遊行,而只是金鐘某條行人天橋午飯時段的平常狀況。橋上眾人(數不清多少人)一齊創造出可比美「特首帶領萬人寫福字」的偉大場面:千人煲煙陣!

我的手機上的鏡頭比較差,影不到那煙霧彌漫的浪漫感覺。而如果你在現場,一定會和我一樣覺得嘆為觀止,發現原來香港的煙民是不分男女老幼、職業貴賤、國籍語言。在橋上,香煙彷彿成為比足球更有效的國際語言。一堆堆的煙民在大聲講細聲笑,又或細聲講大聲笑,喜氣洋洋。那管本是在辦公室內的敵人或剛借火才認識的陌生人,現在站得在此橋上,便成為你的「situational buddy」(暫友),一起高談闊論,一起互餵不同牌子的二手煙,交叉感染一番。

但這短暫的友誼會維持到煙火燒到「煙屁股」那刻而結束。大家熟練地一起將煙屁股在橋上的欄杆上面一刮,將上面的餘火擠熄。煙熄掉了,「暫友」的關係又被打回原型。公司的敵人變回公司的敵人,陌路人變回陌路人,大家各走各路,回到本來的崗位。正所謂「一支煙」的時限就是這樣的一回事。Marketing 有個術語叫 strategic window 也是指這個東西。大家要溝通,要巴結,就憑這短短的「一支煙」的時間。

憑甚麼可與敵人或陌生人溝通和巴結?因為大家有共同敵人嘛!所以拿著煙的人通通都變成「自己友」。

那誰是煙民的共同敵人呢?就是我們這些 「non-煙民」喇!我們掩著鼻,皺著眉,搖著頭,像是見到過街老鼠般(或我們才是過街老鼠?)爭相走避。
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我們像踏錯腳入錯了一個不屬於自己的世界,所有的環境都像是錯的。可幸的是在這世界的煙民太投入自己的 strategic window 內,無暇理會我們這些過客,包括由金鐘地鐵站經這煙橋去那甚麼「AIA香港環球嘉年華」的小朋友。

想到這裡,突然想起其實香港的公眾地方不是經已禁煙了嗎?那這天橋呢?這些去那嘉年華的小朋友怎麼辦?我們這些煙民的共同敵人又怎麼辦?

說到這裡,我只好唸首詩 ~再別煙橋:

煙煙的我走了,
但我本是 clean clean 的來。
我大力的揮手,
只想揮去煙圈,重見藍天上的雲彩!

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情人節速遞

甚麼才是一等一的速遞服務?看看韓國 DHL 的「情人節速遞」吧!

「We deliver. Whatever」!根據廣告人的道德,我們不可誇大承諾一些自己不能做到的事。所以 DHL應切實想想宣傳過後如何執行!最起碼要徵召一班美女速遞員入伍來照顧男士 client 的感受吧!

祝各位情人

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Economic Models explained with Cows ~ the Ultimate Extended Version

Long Long time ago when I was still studying economics at the university, I once got the following list of how economic models could be explained as reference to how people treat their cows. Quite a funny illustration.

At that time, the list had only 6 items, up to just the “Traditional Capitalism”. Now as time evolves we have lots of new items such as the funny Swiss Banks, Japanese Factories, Mad Cows and even Hong Kong’s Feng Shui, plus some not so funny items such as Singaporean, Welsh and Canadian.

To reflect the contemporary wisdom, Enron, Andersen and even Iraq are in the picture in the latest version that I have captured below. You might think that these new ones are too artificial, but hey, wait and see the last few about some computing companies (found in a MSDN.com forum, no wonder why). I know they are a bit camp. But who cares. As long as it fits the theme, and as long as it is funny, and that’s all that really matters, it’s it?

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

A HONG KONG CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You kill them both becausethe feng shui is bad.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want 3 cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

A WELSH CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows. The Government sold them to their mates who milked them dry and now the government wants you to buy them back.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows but you’re still waiting in line for them to come from the government.

SINGAPOREAN CIVIL SERVICE
You have 2 cows. You scold each one everyday before and after milking. You teach one of them to scold the other. You instruct them to moo only on command.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with an option on 1 more. Sell 1 cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have 2 cows. You shred them.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh*t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

LINUX COWS: You get 2 cows for free with promise of free veterinary support. The cows get sick, your family starts to get hungry. You contact your local veterinary community for free support and find out there is no fix for your problem, if there is you will have to wait and that maybe too late. The remedy is to pay the breeder of your free cows a fee. It would have been cheaper to buy two cows from a breeder who includes veterinary support in the price you can call any time. You are disappointed as the media said free cows are the future and you find out the hype is not what people made it out to be, you nearly starved for the experience.

IBM Cows: You have 2 cows. One has a calf. The outsourcer sends an Account Representative with an SLA Variation. The calf gets sick. The outsourcer sends two lawyers to dispute the SLA covers the calf. You demand that the SLA cover both original cows and the calf. The outsourcer returns with two Account Representatives, an Account Manager, a Business Analyst, a Software Architect, a Support Engineer, and a Project Manager. You are required to hire the rest of the project team. At the end of the project, the team produces an SLA Variation with a 400-page Appendix. The Executive Summary says “We know what’s wrong. It’s your fault, and you owe us more money.” You give up and go to milk the two cows: but it’s been six months since you last milked them so they long since dried up. Nobody has any use for the now-healthy calf that’s running around eating its head off.

UNISYS COWS: You have no cows. You hear about someone else making two cows, and construct a bogus claim for how the cow was your idea. Whenever anyone milks a cow, even if they don’t sell the milk, they have to give you money. As a result, everyone starts drinking sheep’s milk.

《爭霸》以外吳越的故事(三)范蠡

以上談過吳越爭霸中的夫差勾踐,現在不如說說范蠡吧!

范蠡其實是楚國人,不是越國人,只是最後到了越國尋找機會。根據史書記載,他的確有他實在有和勾踐留在吳國為奴,但之後當勾踐回越後范蠡其實卻沒有留在吳國幫助夫差完成霸業。所以在劇中他對夫差的那種亦敵亦友的感情其實只是劇情的橋段。雖然這部份與主流史實不符,但這樣的改動卻使觀眾對夫差多了一份同情,同時若配合他在那刻對勾踐的離心的表現一併來看時,更顯出當權者(夫差與勾踐)和侍君者(范蠡)的身不由己。

當然,那劇情其實本來也有點牽強:雖然在故事中范蠡的確是實現了他的承諾為夫差完成霸業,但本來這就只是用來使他亡國的手段,談不上是真心為「朋友」做的好事。根據史書記載,當夫差被圍三年後投降,原本夫差用昔日放生勾踐為據來求情要勾踐同樣放一條生路。勾踐本來應允,但范蠡卻謂大家等了二十多年要復仇,不可最後一腳心軟。他還解釋夫差有此下場全因當天他對勾踐心軟,所以請勾踐以此為鑑,一定要趕盡殺絕夫差!而事實

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《爭霸》以外吳越的故事(二)勾踐

上回談過吳越爭霸中的夫差,現在說說勾踐吧!

與大家印象相反,勾踐其實也不是善類。若不是他當初打仗殺了夫差的父親闔閭,整件吳越之爭的歷史也不會這樣精彩。他最為人津津樂道的是他的臥薪嘗膽的故事:勾踐由回國後到第一次趁吳軍攻晉時反攻吳都,前後一共九年,即是說勾踐「臥薪嘗膽」了九年才開始復仇。若再加上前一篇說另外再要九年後才正式滅吳,勾踐足足用了近二十年才完成整個復仇大計!簡直有超人的毅力和耐性!可比美 The Shawshank Redemption 裡的 Andy!

臥薪嘗膽這個「激勵人心,教人要有毅力、耐性,只要肯努力,總有翻身的一天!」的成語故事,小時候大家一定聽過。但那時總不會聯想得到同一個主角卻是忘恩負義的表表者,有一個比臥薪嘗膽更使人震憾的結局:那「飛鳥盡、良弓藏;狡兔盡、走狗烹」,誅殺功臣文種的故事。不過,經歷過在吳國為奴的日子後,可能真正的勾踐已一早離開了這世界,留下的只是一個要復仇的軀殼。這個軀殼甚麼也做得出,甚麼也不再介意!再者,坦

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《爭霸》以外吳越的故事(一)夫差

每次罷一套無線劇集都總會覺得有點惆悵,因為無論前期的舖排如何高潮迭起,通常那結局都是草草了事為多。難得像昨晚那「半港劇」《爭霸》般可以有一個不草率又不浮誇的結局,更使我看完後會一再回味。

要回味的,可能並不是那中港合作的編導的功力,而是春秋歷史上「吳越」的傳奇。說是傳奇,因為很多關於這段時間的歷史也充滿戲劇感覺。在《爭霸》內有提及到而又早已廣為人知的有越王勾踐臥薪嘗膽,西施的迷惑吳王夫差以致亡國等。現在讓我也談談幾個與吳越爭霸有關的歷史、野史、故事、想法。

夫差
傳統的故事的說法是說夫差是一個被西施迷惑的昏君。但於歷史上看來他只是一個過份自負的人。他為了報殺父之仇而差點滅越,可能是太憎恨勾踐,太自負,抑或是太仁慈,所以不殺勾踐,還放虎歸山。夫差的遭遇可算只是盡當權者和當兒子的責任下的無奈結果。而根據歷史記載,夫差在黃池會當上霸主後回國並不是像《爭霸》般立即戰敗到末路而在勾踐面前自刎,而只是向勾踐求和而被接納,六年後候勾踐再攻吳,越軍圍吳都姑蘇,三年後才破城,夫差自殺。前後與電視劇的劇情相差

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