I am gonna be a father

It has been great to have the feeling that I could have the second chance to do what I have done, again, in a better way or not, with the heart, soul, brain and body of my kid. It is a mixed feeling about how in the first place I don’t want to step into the old parenthood style which force the child to replicate their own thought; but on the other hand I do have lots of experiences sitting there trying to jump into his coming unplanned agenda of himself.

I know I hate this if my parent did that on me (practically, my parents didn’t do that on me, or I didn’t allow them to), and so I have to avoid that myself. But after 30+X years of experiences, I really learnt a lot! I really have something to share! And I really hope that my kid won’t waste his time on the same thing that I regretted to waste time for, or hope that my kid would have started something that I missed my chances. I know my parents (especially my dad) should have thought that million times for the past 30 years….

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I am so eager to going for being a teacher now. I really would like to learn the way to share my heart, my soul, my brain (but not my body) to other people. And if I know how to do this with a stranger, I am sure I could then do that with my kid. I know my dad is suffering from the inability in doing this. I observed his pain, and I am trying to avoid that. Thanks dad. I have started to know how it is like to be you.

I used to tell a joke about Ferrari. I said that it is not rich enough even if I drive a Ferrari myself. I could really call myself rich if I could give a Ferrari to my kid as his/her birthday present. I now have that feeling. I am still no body even if I could be a successful / good heart / rich / giving / whatever person, until if my kid could become one. I really would like to be a good dad. A real dad. And I need help on that. But I know the strength and effort should be coming from within. For that I could only pray. Thanks God. Thanks Justin.

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