This is another old joke from my friend:
Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son…
Jack : I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son : I will choose my own bride.
Jack : But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.
Son : Well, in that case…
Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack : I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates : But my daughter is too young to marry.
Jack : But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates : Ah, in that case…
Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack : I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President : But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.
Jack : But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.
President : Ah, in that case…..
This is how business is done!!!
This is an old story, forwarded to me recently by my friend Fiona. It is one of my all time favorite so I would like to share it once again.
An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son & mentioned his situation:
“My Dear Son,
I am felling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren’t in prison.
Shortly the old man received this telegram:
“For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden!! That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”
At 4 a.m. the next morning, dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next. His son’s reply was:
“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad… It’s the best I could do for you from here.”
“NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.”
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.” The man looked horrified and said, “You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my wife!” “Well,” said the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.” The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her; I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”
“No,” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him.” The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!”